Ugh.

untitled

The fusion of busted riders

sends me to solitude of garden soliloquy 

hidden harmony orchestra

trumpets of crickets

diving into water movement undulations

escaping the infinite living moment

where nothing hurts but the thorns of an artichoke

and nothing scorns but a running hose

Two year old poem get's new life

Family's naive fodder follows my every which way.

I maze through

life

Etched in me

are

mistakes

patterns

rituals

rites.

Around the fire we sit

watching embers dance

the smoke and ash

reveal the past.

The fire leaves us with visions

and more family lore.

What should have been on the radio that day

I absolutely love this song. It feels like a shared experience. It feels like when you are in the car after you grandmother has died, and only you and your sibling understand the meaning of this moment and how it will live -- embedded in your grey matter for the rest of your life. This song feels something like that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9KrotLtC-Y

It makes you wonder...

In the night

When your body is cold

And you look at your history

Sitting on the laptop

Quite awake

And drunk

Who should you blame?

The lover who sucks at it

Or the mute that never says so?

I'm trying to communicate with you

This is for the people that are leaving posts. I am not smart enough to understand them.

グ リ ー を も dominates す る meets い サ イ ト[ス タ ー ビ ー チ]! Th を is all the rage し like と し て the posture を to disappear suddenly し た サ イ ト が now Soviet る! The love 経 験 が does not have い Fang でも Jan 単に to leave meets え る の が works as サ イ ト! ぜ ひ ご applies flexibly く だ さ い

The cold is near

I want to dip my hands in a barrel full of scratchy wool socks.

I will pluck out a pair of discounted misshapen army-regulated green stockings. They will go over the meaty part of my calf. They will cut off the circulation and keep my legs below the knees warm as I stand in the coldness waiting for everything and anything.

Sac

It was 1997 and I was in love with the freedom of living out loud. I had a job delivering copies and I drove all around the Sacramento area delivering goods. I experienced traffic like never before. Driving became a sport.

I had received an electric guitar as a birthday gift and I worshiped Stevie Ray Vaughn. His songs and techniques were all I could hear. I snuck into Old Town bars to here blues bands play and occasionally they would cover one of his tunes. In my delivery van I kept cassette tapes of SRV to learn his phrasing.

After I worked all day I would venture out into the city. The night was full of opportunity and the sky full of stars. I sat on the hood of my car atop one of the parking garages and watched fireworks light up the riverfront during Pioneer Days. The cool river wind blew at my face.

In the tunnel that stretched from Old Town to the Downtown Plaza mosaic art moved us along.

The farmer's market appealed to all the senses.

I was young and my pores were open to all that was this time.

I can still feel it.

I would go to the river front in twilight hours and catch glimpses of river otters hunting for food.

Even in the city I would look for hiding places where I could find nature. In capital park I climbed a tree and sat looking down at tourists.

I always wanted to be observing. I just wanted to be still.

The adventures are fun, but being -- just simply being, is the great challenge.

Create.

I haven't written on my dear blog in awhile. I decided to share some of the ramblings from my writing class journal:

"How would you describe the carpet? It is green and blue Berber.

Or you can say...

The carpet winds across the room; shattering the white of wall paint. It meets the chair legs and shows some classy reservation by not taking hold."

How would you describe the act of clipping your finger nails? They were long so I snipped them.

Or...

An inch would be too gross. They start to measure a 1/4 maybe and I start to feel uncomfortable. They get crooked, yellowed, and dirty. It is hard to play guitar. They snag on my sweater. When I splay them on the ground, I bid farewell to some more of my DNA."

The dryer of my mind

My energy was restless

under the sheets

when I was supposed to be listening

to the quiet menageri

I grinded my teeth

right down to where everything is naked and still

and still

you haunt me

like a lost

lost

bill

circling the realms of the dryer

of my mind.

Passion and bite

Sometimes it is not a superiority complex,

It is an aspiration complex.

Success may come but all we know is the struggle. We mourn the loss of the one who struggled and although your dreams are fulfilled you are left with this sadness and emptiness that this gift has given you. You are left to reconcile with this gift.

Wow Christian Slater got old and turned into a boring guy. I wanted him to turn into Spider Jerusalem.

Maybe I want to turn into Spider Jerusalem.

Or John Muir?

Mmmmhh, must ponder.

Bus Pass Day

Rain was a hallmark card that

fell from grace

and stumbled down the stairway of clouds

Slamming a door of sunshine

Running away with the rainbow of your absence.

So she's not home.

She's not home.

My shoes holler to be stripped down

and my jeans are guilty on the floor.

She is not home.

She is not home.

Shadows mind.

I mind.

Running around like a chicken monkey

Catching my breath between pots of coffee

standing at the bus

stop.

Wondering why people talk so loud?

Every other Wednesday should be mine to take.

Just to make sense of myself.

Just to make some sense.

Just to take hold of all the pleasure and pain.

I catch me stuttering in comments

left in boxes. Illuminated by whiteness

that is not there,

that is as real as nothing.

As real as pushing you away.

Technology

Sometimes I want to throw my cell phone and laptop into a tub of hot water.

Blog is a sound you make when you don't feel well.

Twitter is when you let something go.

Sharing should be more personal.

Not highlighted by so many damn emoticons.