When I lived in Fresno, I always found myself longing to get away. Mostly to where there was a great body of water. I thought of this just today when I was riding the bus, and looking out the window. Beyond the city skyline there were the west hills, dotted with pine trees as far as the eye could see. And in this sight, I could also feel the anticipation of spring. The rebirth.
The city of my current life, is moving with the ebb and flow of the river. The river quenches the need for change. A city this size needs the movement of nature to cleanse and regenerate. A water-sign like myself knows this thirst. Fresno was barely 300 ft. above sea level. A sprawling place that tried to thrive with little waterfall. Life will cease to exist without water. Man-made irrigation kept Fresno's populous able to survive... but survival is different than living.
I am introspective and contemplative because I'm feeling a loss today. It is something I haven't been willing to deal with. All these walls I've been putting up with family to protect myself. I'm trying to be compassionate towards them because I see all the same mistakes in myself. I'm trying hard to recognize the patterns so I can break them.
I feel that this past September there was an enormous shift in my life. That shift affected me and those around me. I see the mirrored life. I'm not resentful. Just not strong enough for that hurt right now.
I pray that this spring, things will grow new buds. Our lives will bloom with new clarity. Our lives will have new passion. The sun will warm our aching bones. The nighttime breeze will be scented with the succulent smells of jasmine. Birds will sing in the morning and welcome the new dawn. Life will go on.
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